Moving on to a more bleak topic.

MAJOR HEADACHE. My head feels like exploding any moments right now.

I mean, I'm a fairly positive person. I try to see the bright sides of things, but some things are just plain dark. And then everything's just become so depressing.

I sometimes feel like hiding, or disappearing from this earth for a moment, just a moment, and when I get back, everything's will be alright, but I know I can't and that's a very cowardly thing to do. I will have to deal with my problems eventually; they won't go away just like that. I can't keep running away and hide from my problems. I'm not a child anymore for goodness sake. I am officially an adult next year. Can I picture my self as one? Right now, honestly, I can't. I still have a lot of things I need to fix. 

For me, being an adult means you know your responsibilities and you do them. I don't.

Being an adult means believe in yourself more and deal with your problems instead of running away from them. I don't.

Being an adult means you are not ignorant. I am.

I'm by no means saying that adults are perfect or whatsoever, because nobody's perfect, but in my mind, being an adult means more responsibilities and if I can't deal with them, how can I deal with my self?

Am I taking this way too far?

I guess, what I'm trying to say is, even though I am not an adult (yet), I am also not a little child anymore. I can distinguish between what is right and what is wrong, I have a pretty good conscience, and when I choose to ignore my conscience, not only I hurt my self, but also other people. Doesn't that make me a bad person? 

I believe that every one has both good and bad side to them, it's only a matter of choosing which one you follow.

For example, I know I have to change, that I can't be this way forever, but I can choose to either change or just let it be. 

BUT, even I chose to change, changing myself is not as easy as saying it.

I can say, "Yea, I won't be so ignorant anymore. I won't be so lazy anymore," but to actually do that, it's so much harder.

I guess I'm just weak. 

I can change it, though, yes?

I really need my sleep. This is what happens when I don't get enough sleep, I make no sense whatsoever.