Saturday, August 29, 2009

I finally watched Couple Talk again. And just a warning that this will be a very bizzare post. I'm so out of it right now, it's not even funny.

Soulmate/Jaechun/Chunjae

I was zoning out when I watched this so I might have to watch it again. I remember they're talking about sleeping habits, alcohol, composing, music and girls. They're definitely close, though. You can totally feel it. They're, like, utterly, totally and completely best friend. With Jaemin it's more like 'brotherly' rather than 'friends' but with Jaechun it's just straight best friend. I think they're really similar in a lot of ways and it's nice to see them have each other like that.

Yoosu / Ah-Ky

They're definitely close, too. But it's a different sort-of close like Soulmate. I don't know how to put it, but it feels like Yoosu are like children while Soulmate are teenagers. Huh? I don't even know myself. Anyway, what do they talk about? I remember Kenyan, something about prank for Junsu on April Fool's Day (Junsu! *heart*),and their future girlfriends. I agree with Junsu when he says that there's no specific characteristic in the ideal woman for Yoochun. I think when you fell in love, you just did, there's no need for beauty or intelligence or wealth, etc. I mean of course there are certain characteristics I'd like a guy to have but in the end, if I didn't feel anything toward that person, those characteristics wouldn't matter.
However, I disagree when Junsu says that the guy should love the girl more. I think that they both should love each other equally. Beside, there's no exact measurement of love.

2U

Ah Room Mate. My brain is seriously wired right now that what I write starting from this point will probably be incomprehensible. Err ... I like them together. They don't seem to have the playfulness aura like Yoosu, Jaechun or Jaemin have, at least not in this Talk but they still seem close. Of course all five of them are close with each other but obviously there must be someone that they feel closer to than the others.
Anyway, my admiration for Yunho grew again after I watched this. Didn't even think it's possible but he proves me wrong, lol. And during the first few minutes, he cracks his knee, and I was really amazed by it, rofl. I do that all the time but I don't see a lot of people do it. Cracking your knuckles, backs or necks is sort of common but your knee? Now that's rare XD

It's nice to see them have each others, though. You know, with what's happening right now, I'm sure it's not easy for them. At least they don't go through this completely alone but have other 4 people going through the same thing. I'm just hoping that no matter what happened, their friendship would stay strong. It's hard finding true friends like that. Trust me. I know.

And I really should sleep right now. Part III is coming when I feel like it XD


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Read Beautiful World here

Beautiful World is my second Draco/Harry fanfiction and a very good one at that. I knew that the ending would be sad but it's still heartbreaking when I read it.
Death is never an easy topic for me, even if it's only in a fanfiction, especially if the fanfiction is so good that it just seems so real.

-------------------------------------------------

While he was sleeping, Harry Potter decided to die. It wasn't a conscious decision so much as the little boy who lived deep inside his inner most self, who had curled up there with a rather bedraggled blankie and an old teddy bear long ago, closing his tired green eyes and letting go. He'd been living there, deep inside Harry's soul, since the first day his uncle had closed the door of the cupboard on Little Harry's bright little boy face, casting his brilliant green eyes in shadow. Not an imaginary friend, or even an imaginary part of himself, but all those secret dreams and wishes of childhood that Harry hadn't ever admitted out loud (Christmases and candy floss and puppies and ponies and bikes with training wheels). They had to go somewhere, after all, and they had; deep inside where they burned with the faith and hope of a child with an unbreakable spirit.

And then, sometime during Harry's fifth year, the bubble broke, his heart broke, his spirit faltered, and he decided to die.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Draco Malfoy had never met a knight in shining armor and, he always liked to think, if he ever did, he wouldn't be that impressed. Really, what's a stupid sod in a metal suit good for, in the grand scheme of things? He thought girls who dreamed of such things were sentimental and dull; surely their imaginations could come up with a more fitting hero. Which was why, when he found himself somehow cast into the role of Harry Potter's Personal Knight In Shining Armor, he was Not Impressed. In the least.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Being by himself was the only time when Harry felt he was being honest with the people around him, and then it was only because, of course, there weren’t any. He didn’t know if he could particularly handle being the hero everyone assumed him to be. Honestly, he wasn’t all that brave; he was scared out of his mind. What sort of hero was terrified of waking up in the morning? What sort of hero secretly wished never to wake up because at least sleeping was real? At least if he was killed in his sleep, he could die knowing that it really wasn’t his fault. He’d been asleep, how was he supposed to protect himself? Even heroes have to sleep. Even heroes have to die. Most likely sooner and more violently than other people.

And it scared him. A lot of things scared him. Being alone scared him. That’s why Harry liked it; he liked a certain degree of controllable fear. Being alone by choice meant that if he changed his mind, he could have companionship. Being alone against his will was out of his control, and he flaunted having control over it, just a little bit.


Now go read it! :)



Monday, August 24, 2009

I thought I'm over it already.

But it still hurts.



Two Little Numbers by Charlie M. Blow

"Children can’t see their budding lives through the long lens of wisdom - the wisdom that benefits from years passed, hurdles overcome, strength summoned, resilience realized, selves discovered and accepted, hearts broken but mended and love experienced in the fullest, truest majesty that the word deserves. For them, the weight of ridicule and ostracism can feel crushing and without the possibility of reprieve. And, in that dark and lonely place, desperate and confused, they can make horrible decisions that can’t be undone."

--------------------------------

"Well, no more. All people are worthy just the way they are, the way God and nature made them, the way they see themselves through the truest eye of the soul. We must teach every child, nay every person, that the greatest measure of our own humanity is the degree of human dignity we afford those from whom we are different. A smile, a kind word, a handshake, a hug, understanding and compassion – the simplest acts of goodness can bridge the widest chasms."

--------------------------------

This is a very late post actually but I just can't believe this. It's hard to believe that things like this are actually happening in this modern world and moreover in the so-called 'advanced' country.


Sunday, August 23, 2009

There is a window to the left of my computer desk and I can see our backyard from there.
It was raining this afternoon and I spent few minutes staring at the rain falling from the sky with soft songs playing on the background.
Does it make me sound like a sap? haha.
It made me feel at peace, though.
A little bit mellow but peaceful at the same time. I felt like I could spend hours just staring at the rain.

I don't need grand things to make me happy, although I don't refuse them either, lol.
Just staring at the rain like that makes me feel content already.

A few other things that make me feel content :

+ When I don't have to wake up right away and can spend some times just laying on my bed.
+ When I go out of town and then come back home. It feels so nice, haha.
+ The feeling after I take a long, hot shower. I don't like taking a shower but when I did, I mostly take a long time doing it, haha. And then I'll feel really clean and fresh afterwards and it just feels really good.
+ Feeling warm in a cold day.

I'm easily content with small and simple things. I wonder if it's a good or bad thing.


Saturday, August 22, 2009

I'm sort of sick of mainstream Kpop so I'm starting to look for underground artists (mostly hip-hop or rap). I'm still a noob at that, lol.

Anyway, people I'm listening to lately :
+ The Quiett
+ Leessang
+ Drunken Tiger
+ Tasha / T

And from non-Korean :
+ Nas
+ Jamie Cullum


Friday, August 21, 2009

Why is it so hard to see the grey areas in things?
Why does it seem like everything has to be in black or white?

Thinking out of the box is hard.


Thursday, August 20, 2009

Just because.

Yunjae / Jaeyun

My OTP *sigh* XD A lot of people complain about how they seem to be less 'real', especially if you compare it to the last one. I just feel like they're less touchy, that's all. They're definitely close, though. It's not like all of a sudden they're like strangers or just recently become friends. Of course, tbh, as an avid Yunjae fangirl, I'd like it if there are more 'touching' involved, lol. But there's more to just than skinship in a relationship. Idk, like I feel people are taking this way too seriously. They date, they don't date, whatever, it's their lives. The thing with Yunjae, however, they're not like 'bestfriend' bestfriend. I mean, there are Soulmate and Yoosu and you know that they're 'bestfriends'. And then Joongshim, for example, they're like 'brothers'. Yunjae are like bestfriends who turn into lovers and then bestfriend again and then lovers and so on, and things get awkward when something like that happens.
I'm reading way too much into them XD
I'll stop here.

Jaesu / Sujae / Nightmate

My 2nd favourite pairing. They say they've gotten much closer since the last time, which is good. Now they're like 'nightmate' lol. Jaejoong got ditched by Yoochun so he moved on to Junsu. And I agree that sometimes they don't act like their age. I mean, can you believe that Junsu is freaking 24 years old? I feel like he's my age most of the times XD I understand how he's feeling, though. When I was younger, I thought that 17 years-old people seem so mature. But now I'm at that age, I still feel like a kid. Sometimes I wonder whether I'll feel like this for the rest of my life XD
And I love love love when Junsu cracked Jaejoong's knuckles. I had to repeat that part because I didn't see the subs because I was too absorbed in that scene, haha. It's just so random but so ... intimate? haha. Idk, I'm quite an observant person and I love simple gestures like that. Like, a squeeze on your shoulder, a pat on your back, and in their case, cracking someone's knuckle XD You don't have to hug or kiss someone to be intimate, sometimes simple gestures tell a lot of things. Anywho - I got carried away a bit - nightmate rocks! :)

Joongshim / Jaemin / Soulfighter

The opening cracked me up. Oh Changmin <3

JJ : "You don't love the members."
CM : "I don't love guys."

**

CM : "Eating well is a must in life."
JJ : "You let me starve, then?"
CM : "I have to live first."
JJ : "You let me die, then?"
CM : "My life comes first."

**

CM : "It's like what I tell other members. I don't hate him, I just detest him."

**

JJ : "When Changmin talks like this, I feel very proud of him. Like, he's grown up well."
CM : "Did you raise me?"

**

*Jaejoong tried to molest Changmin*
CM : "Our fans might be angry when they saw this, but ... I don't like skinship with men."
JJ : "I don't like it either but I like it with our members."
CM : "Our members are also men."

Changmin is just full of win in this talk, and in general too. I love Joongshim, they seem so comfortable with each other. Like they just have a lot of fun together, haha.
By the way, Jaejoong ah, if you're lonely, you have Yunho, don't molest Changmin :D

And other members keep saying how the woman should be the one in control of their (Jaejoong and his girlfriend) relationship.
He is so uke XD

Part II is coming soon :p


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The first hearing is tomorrow and I hope everything will go smoothly :)

Anyway, my AADBSK 3 is here already!


I was watching the one where they're in Saipan and they were talking about Season 4.
And it hurts to know that there might not be season 4.
I mean, with everything that has happened in these past couple of weeks, things will just never be the same again.

I know that they're not gonna be around forever, but still, it doesn't make something like this easier.
Maybe I'm still not over the fact that it's only 3 members who are doing this.
Had it been 5 of them, I would've felt better than I do now.
I know that Homin have their own reasons, and maybe Jaesuchun are also too rash, I don't know, I don't even know what the real situation is like, but still, you know.
I don't like feeling like this, like I'm too attached and emotional but I just can't help it.
Or is it my PMS? Haha.
Yea, yea, blame everything on the poor PMS :)

I wish they can stay like this a little bit longer (okay fine, MUCH longer) :


All peaceful and quiet and just ... be.


^ Can't help but laughing when I saw that. How corny, LOL. Oh SM.


Sunday, August 16, 2009

Please just ignore the title and blame Changmin for it.



Yunho's 'My bag is in my heart' cracks me up, and then Yoochun smoothing out the clothing on top of the bed after that cracks me up even more. LOL.

So many things I love about this video other than what I mentioned above.

Changmin asking Junsu about spelling. Book, is it? I don't know why but I always love it when someone asks Junsu to spell in English because his answer is just unpredictable.

Jaejoong waltzes in like a maniac with Yunho's bag (How did he find it, anyway? YUNJAE! ROFL)

Jaechun throwing out stuffs from Yunho's bag. Poor leader ... NOT!

Yunho's ginseng tonic (or candy, I don't really know what that is and I forget what it says in PBM) and Yoochun's 'Are you okay?' or whatever he said in Engrish.

The four members raiding Yunho's stuffs and Yunho folding his clothes and cleaning it up afterwards.

Junsu being, well ... Junsu.

I can't wait for my copy to arrive.
9 hours full of them, LOL.



To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
The Bible
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by JRR Tolkien
1984 by George Orwell
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
All Quite on the Western Front by E M Remarque
His Dark Materials Trilogy by Phillip Pullman
Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The Lord of the Flies by William Golding
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
Tess of the D'urbevilles by Thomas Hardy
Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Graham
Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
Middlemarch by George Eliot
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzenhitsyn

I love Winnie The Pooh, haha. It was such a fun read. I read the Disney version before but it's sort of different and this one has a few different stories too inside.

Current book : To Kill A Mockingbird


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
The Bible
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by JRR Tolkien
1984 by George Orwell
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
All Quite on the Western Front by E M Remarque
His Dark Materials Trilogy by Phillip Pullman
Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The Lord of the Flies by William Golding
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
Tess of the D'urbevilles by Thomas Hardy
Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Graham
Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
Middlemarch by George Eliot
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzenhitsyn

A Christmas Carol is an okay book for me. I like it but I don't love it :D Maybe because I already knew the story before I read it that it sort of reduces the 'wow' factor, you know.

Next book : Winnie The Pooh :p


Monday, August 10, 2009

Background music : Recycled Air, Such Great Heights and Sleeping In by The Postal Service

This whole DBSK vs. SM or to be more exact, Jaesuchun vs. SM case has taken up my world ever since the news came out. Maybe because it's summer and I don't exactly have a life, I don't know. Not that it's a bad thing, though. On one hand, I'm quite glad it happens now that I can spend the whole day obsessing over this matter. Had it happened on school days, I'm probably gonna be screwed, thinking about this when I should've concentrated on my study.

But there's also a BIG possibility that it will last for a long time, longer than I would like it to be. Damn. So it's probably a good thing I will have school to (hopefully) distract me from this, because by that time (again, hopefully) I won't be this agitated anymore. Even now, I'm pretty much ready for any unwanted possibilities. I'm gonna be in grade 12 this September and it's gonna be a gruelling year. It's gonna be a battle field.

Okay, so maybe I'm over exaggerating but it will be my last year in high school. It feels weird. I still feel like a middle-school student sometimes. Or perhaps elementary student, I don't know. I just feel like a little kid.

To think that I'll be a freshman in university next year is just plain weird. I wonder what it will be like. Me? In university? Ha! Weird.

Anyway, I miss them performing as 5 already, even though they still have A-Nation. I just miss the times before this happened. This sucks.


Sunday, August 9, 2009

"You fear the world too much."
- The Christmas Carol

I guess I do fear the world too much sometimes.
What can I say? This world is a scary place :p

And there's been warning about what SM MIGHT do to Jaesuchun.
The worst I could think of right now is sex tape or they're involved in a fight.
I don't think I'd be that surprised if that really happened.
I think my love for them is unconditional, ROFL.
Like, no matter what they do, I still like them.
Call me crazy? Go ahead. I couldn't care less :p

But I know they'll lose some fans if that really happened.
I'm not gonna say they're not a true fan or what (I mean really, what is a true fan like anyway?) but people are different.
Some people see them as these 'perfect' human beings that they can't stand it when they make mistakes.
I hope the guys will be okay, though.
They honestly don't deserve this shit.

Anyway, I'm starting to watch True Blood again because of all the hype about it.
I'm only on 2nd episode now.
People say it's only gonna get better after that so I'll see :p



I don't like Taesu but I can't quite put my fingers around the reason why.
I just don't. It's the same thing like when you like someone, you just ... feel, lol.

Not that I'm a possessive fan who doesn't like it when they date girls.
I like Yoochun and Gahee or Yunho and Lina for example.
But I just don't like Taesu.
And I know it's not good enough of a reason, that's why I've been trying to like them.
Am I being silly? :p
But I seriously can't.

However, I still feel bad for them to not be able to date openly and being so freaking busy because they're overworked by their diabolic company and thus not being able to meet that often.
I mean, most people their age are able to date and maybe even be each other 24/7 but they can't even though they're in the same company.

This is pretty much a pointless post, LOL.

By the way, I'm looking for a good design for my (future) tattoo.
It feels like getting married, a life-time commitment XD


Friday, August 7, 2009

I love reading. Good reads are what keep me going on in shitty days. Graphic novels, mangas, novels, magazines, fanfictions, I read them all.

For fan fictions, I'm reading mostly SasuNaru fanfictions nowadays. Others fanfictions I read are Harry Potter, Hikaru No Go, Final Fantasy and DBSK (although I haven't read a lot of Yunjae's fanfictions lately). There are actually a lot of good fanfictions out there.

Anyway, here's a list of 30 books that British' librarians claim as must-reads :

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
The Bible
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by JRR Tolkien
1984 by George Orwell
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
All Quite on the Western Front by E M Remarque
His Dark Materials Trilogy by Phillip Pullman
Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The Lord of the Flies by William Golding
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon
Tess of the D'urbevilles by Thomas Hardy
Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Graham
Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
Middlemarch by George Eliot
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzenhitsyn

This list is from 2006 actually but it's okay because books are timeless and I haven't read most of the books in the list, as you can see (more like none actually). I'll try to read 30 of them asap, haha. I actually read Pride and Prejudice, I just haven't finished it :p



Okay, first thing first :


Why did I just know about the song now?
It made my day XD

Moving on to a happier topic (because worrying doesn't help a bit), these are some of my 'happy' places, meaning places that make me happy :
+ HOME. Home meaning anywhere with my family :p
+ Beach. I just love beaches.
+ Movie theatre. I love watching movies and going to movies is one of my favourite things to do on the week-end :)
+ Book store. I'm a geek, lol. Going to a book store, where there are a lot of books (new or used doesn't really matter) makes me so happy like a kid in a candy store.

That's all I can think of at the moment. But for me, it really doesn't matter where the place is, as long as I'm with my loved ones, it's okay.
My life is so simple, no? haha.


Monday, August 3, 2009

One word to define the current situation.

I'm watching from the side as the drama unfolds, lol.

These past few days have been such an emotional roller-coaster. Gawd.
The last 3 years (okay, 2 years and 11 months) have been such a crazy journey, thanks to those 5 guys.
Overall, it's been fun, though.

I'm glad for everything I've gained from this journey and it's something that I'll keep within my memory for the rest of my life.

Thanks, guys <3

Now, just stay strong, okay? ;)

Finally,

FIVE IS EQUAL FIVE, FIVE IS NOT EQUAL THREE PLUS TWO!

XD


Sunday, August 2, 2009

Yea, my nightmare just became reality.
Okay, maybe not yet, but I have a feeling it will, soon.

I gave up.

I'll still support you and I'm still keeping my words - as long as each of you are happy, it's enough for me.

Do whatever you want to do, do whatever your heart tells you to do.

I just hope that they're telling the right thing.



Because of DBSK.

So that's why I have been feeling agitated these past couple of days and did not post the pics.
I won't re-write the problem because it's unnecessary, everyone knows about it already.

I admit, I was being selfish at first.
The thing that worried me the most is that only 3 members are doing this.
I'm sure had it been the 5 of them, I would be less worried and agitated.
That, obviously, is because I'd rather have them together.
How selfish of me.

Now, after I thought about it, like, a thousand times, I'm sure that they have their reasons as to why they're doing this.
I'm also sure, it's not like an overnight decision.
This is a big deal, not a trivial matter.
With that being said, I also realized that as hard as this may be for me as a fan, this must be a thousand times harder for them.
They have to deal with the media (god knows how savage media can be) and also the SM itself, they should not need to deal with the anger or confusion or disappointment from the fans, too; what they need right now as support and as a fan, what else I can give other than exactly that?

These past couple of days have been just absolutely unreal.
From the lawsuit news, their SBU Sweet Room version (what's up with THAT, by the way? So gay, LOL), A-Nation, Yunho's Evisu photoshot (hot stuff. waiting for more) and then the release of their 3rd Concert Album - it has been an emotional roller coaster.
And it's only because of these 5 guys. Absolutely crazy.
In a good way, of course, haha.

But this makes me think (yes, think, AGAIN) about them.
I guess, right now, I'm already prepared for the worst.
Not now, of course, I'm 99% positive they're not gonna disband now but who knows about the future?
I asked my self, what truly matters for me?
And the answer is their happiness, that each of them is happy, and if (god forbid this ever happens *knock on wood*)they're not happy being with each other, then I'd rather have them disband.
Just saying.

All of these stuffs make me wonder why people want to become an idol in the first place.





azalia♥

" a lady,
trying to make her way in life.
she's so fly,
she touches the sky"







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