touching the sky

I'm much much better right now.

Thanks for those who give me encouragement :)

I tend to exaggerate things so they may sound really bad, but honestly, they're not that bad. Things could be worse ;)

And I don't usually get sad for a long time.

Maybe about a day or two and then I'll be able to hope again.

Hopes are very powerful and so are prayers :D

But anyway, it was so hot today. 27 degrees! Gawd.

And then it rained. Great.

I like rain, only when I'm at home and I don't have to go outside :p

But I like the aftermath of rain.

I like the seemingly fresh air, the smell of the damp ground, the cool weather, everything.

It feels so .... liberating, haha.

But when it rains, the best thing to do is to curl up in your bed, snuggle under a blanket with a good read, hot chocolate/milk/coffee/tea, and a musk fragrant from incense filling your nose.

And that's exactly what I did. Except for the hot beverage and the incense part.

I was too lazy to make the hot chocolate and my lighter didn't work but it was still good nevertheless.

I adore my OTP. I truly do. They are the ones who attracted me to this fandom in the first place.

And I know that I've been saying that I don't really care if they weren't really 'real' or if they dated someone else but the truth is I think my heart would break a little. It wouldn't affect my whole life but it would still hurt

Huh, I guess that makes me a hypocrite.

I need someone to crash and burn together.

Feeling so fucking depressed.

I know that this is only temporary - that life is this huge wheel that rotates and revolves.

Sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down.

Of course everyone knows that.

And now I'm in the down part.

Everything just sort of piles up together - troubles, worries, fears, anxieties; the formula of stress and depression.

I'm basically screwed right now.

With that being said, I'm sure things will get better, they always do, trust me on this one.

But ... I can't deny the fact that I have problems right now.

I can not just pretend that everything's fine when it's not.

And I shouldn't compare my problems to others' too.

This is taken from The Perks of Being a Wallflower : "You shouldn't compare your problems to others'. Of course there are always people who have it worse than you. But comparing your problems to theirs doesn't make yours go away." That's basically the gist of it.

Okay, so I'm sad. So I'm depressed.

So what really?

I'm an android if I always feel happy - if they feel anything at all, that's it.

I'm just gonna drown in this state of worrying and come back stronger.

Or at least I hope so.

The Loamies for the win!

*currently in school.

I dislike Mac :( *

Yes you, school, you.

Nothing ever hurt like school. The homework, the assignments, the friends, the boyfriends, the girlfriends, the dramas, everything.

Don't mind me.

I need sleep.

Books recommendation from me :

THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS Trilogy by Cassandra Clare

City of Bones begins with a sixteen-year old girl named Clary Fray, who lives in New York with her mother, an artist. She comes home one night to find her apartment ransacked, her mother gone -- and a slavering demon ready to tear off her head. Once the demon's dealt with, Clary follows the clues to her mother's disappearance into an alternate New York filled with hideous demons, hard-partying warlocks, not-what-they-seem vampires, an army of werewolves and the scariest thing of all: the secrets of her mother's past. She also finds herself torn between two boys -- her best friend Simon, for whom she's developing new feelings, and the mysterious demon hunter Jace, who has a past more tangled than her own. She becomes a part of the secret word of the demon hunters, or Nephilim, and as she does discovers she might be more connected to them than she originally thought. City of Ashes continues Clary's adventures with Simon, the demon hunters Jace, Isabelle and Alec, the warlock Magnus, and the mysterious Raphael. City of Glass takes the characters to the demon hunters' exotic home country, Idris.

credit : mortalinstruments.com

I have only read few pages of the first book, City of Bones, so I can't really say much. Why do I recommend this trilogy? Cause it's popular right now and I've read a lot of good reviews for it. And also because I like what I've read so far. It gets my attention just by reading few pages of it. So read it! :)

I mean, Park Gahee is hot, okay? Like not just hot hot, but hot 'hot'.

And for Yoochun - who is 6 years younger - to be able to go out with her, there must be something about him. I bet they did the deed too.

Oh Yoochun. What are you?

I just saw this. Oh. My. God. What I won't kill to have a body like that.

Kidding.

She's Anna Bessonova, Ukranian I think. She's a rythmic gymnast so it's no wonder she can pull something like that.

And oh, I love Mia Michaels! She's amazing. Her pieces are beautiful <3

Humans and their prides are inseparable. Prides are what make us cocky.

I have my share of cockiness too. Hopefully not too much, though.

I admit, sometimes I am very proud of my self, too proud even. I don't like losing to someone else. I am quite a competitive person although I may not seem like that from the outside. If you can read my mind and see my heart, you'll be blown away. And no, I'm not proud of that. I'm learning to change to be a better person.

Anyway, back to topic, I think feeling confident is a great thing. But when you start to feel too confident and start to condescending others, that is when the alarm should start beeping in your head and signaling that there is something wrong here. But the alarm does not always work. And that's the problem.

To think that I am better than someone else, for me, is a very low thing. But yet sometimes I can't help but feel like that. I don't like being judged, so it's only fair if I do the same to others. I mean, who am I to say that I'm better than you? How would you feel if I came up to you and say, "You know what? I'm so much better of a person than you are."

I know I cannot control my feelings, but I can control my actions and that's the least I can do ... right?

Anyway, I just saw this fancam in Lola onnie's blog (mywickedplace.blogspot.com) :

Doesn't Yoochun look so hot pissed off like that? I'm not gonna even comment on his action.

Like I always say, "A man gotta do what a man gotta do."

I was talking about it with my friends just now, and we came to a conclusion that if we were in his shoes, we would've done something worse and sooner too. I would probably scream : "BACK OFF OR I'LL KILL YOU ALL!"

Naah. What am I saying? I'm too nice.

Well, forgiving your friends is even harder.

This whole forgiving business, to be honest, I'm not really good at it. I think I might have forgiven someone, but then when he/she does something wrong again, I will bring his/her past mistakes up. It feels like I still hold a grudge against that person.

And it makes me feel guilty because I obviously make mistakes too, tons of them. And of course I'm hoping for forgiveness. But if I can't forgive others, why should I expect them to forgive me, right?

Jesus said to forgive others seven times seven. I'm not gonna preach or what, but I think that's a very crucial lesson which is extremely hard to do at the same time.

Even if I am able to forgive someone, it wouldn't be that easy for me to just let it go. I think I have let it go already, but then when they make mistakes again, their past wrongdoings will come up. And that means that somehow, I still keep them inside of me instead of letting them go.

To forgive and forget. To accept and let go.

*sigh*

I still have a lot to learn.

On a brighter note, I just saw this trailer :

I laughed so hard, haha.

"It's just like Vin Diesel version, except slightly gayer."

"The Fast & The Bi-Curious.

It doesn't mean you're gay.

Just, don't get married."

azalia♥

" a lady,
trying to make her way in life.
she's so fly,
she touches the sky"

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Designer : Chili.
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